What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Of course I have a pirate flag
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
