I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
