I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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