...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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