.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Damn victory sex feels great
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize