make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
