He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.