I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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