I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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