Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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