I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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