just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
