brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
