yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize