I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
