It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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