I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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