Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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