New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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