This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
