were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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