Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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