I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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