I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
