Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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