oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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