I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
