When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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