I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
