I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
