I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
