It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
