Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
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Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize