its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
