I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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