I wish I could punch you in the face.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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