i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
