dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
