dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
