I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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