break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
