how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how do flat chested girls get laid?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
