Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
