I cannot find my penis.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
