I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
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It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
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I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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