he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My feet surprised me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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