If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
