I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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