went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just forgot I was standing up.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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