i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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