I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
