Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have aggressive nipples.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
