Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
