fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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