mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
