tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
