i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
