Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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