I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
