Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
