You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
