sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
