you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
