i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
