I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
