Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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