I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
