Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
