Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
