# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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