Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
