You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
