dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
