please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
