He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
